I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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