Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Randomize
