Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
