Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
