k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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