She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
