My room smells like vodka and shame
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
