so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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