Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
