I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
