thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
