I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
