I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
