If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
