he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
