Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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