How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
