so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
