I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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