Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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