I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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