I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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