how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
