We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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