I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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