Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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