it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
