you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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