i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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