Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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