Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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