Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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