I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
