I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
