the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
