i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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