During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize