To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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