so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
