Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
