Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
