He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
