You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
