Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
