I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
