Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
If I die, sorry about rent.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
