Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
