walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
