I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
