ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
