Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I think a kid would responsible me up
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Randomize
