I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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