party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
