I hate all girls vehemently.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
