have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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