found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
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people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
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I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit