Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.