i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
