She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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