Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
