I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i will never coherently bang her
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
