420 ftw
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
