first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
