My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
