How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
