is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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