Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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