There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
