problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
the day after is always just damage control
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I understand Curling. That high.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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