don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
