Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
