To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
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Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
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I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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