advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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