No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
