So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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