You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
