I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
